


stained glass, variation of the truth

by estherroberts



Series: one another's present tense [1]
Category: Alta Mar | High Seas (TV 2019)
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/F, Fix It Fic, also clara is ALIVE, background eva/nicolás energies, i'm fixing everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29282865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estherroberts/pseuds/estherroberts
Summary: erich has kidnapped carolina, and casandra isn't happy. takes place mid-season 2 finale.
Relationships: Casandra Leonormand/Carolina Villanueva
Series: one another's present tense [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2201079
Comments: 10
Kudos: 13





	stained glass, variation of the truth

**Author's Note:**

> the idea for this fic literally haunted me until i got it all down on paper, but i had to stop mid-way and make [this playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5svwIIBOQn1h87mklUQ4iJ?si=AKRm7uMhTJiYhOu7dRL2mA) first, feel free to listen while you read, but just know that the playlist follows canon a lot more closely than the story does! also, the title is from "neptune" by sleeping at last. 
> 
> have fun, let me know what you think in the comments! <3

as casandra walks through the door, it takes her a moment to understand what she’s seeing. she blinks hard, clearing her eyes and her mind. this can’t be right. 

carolina is on the bed, her hands tied, a gag in her mouth. there are tears sliding down her cheeks. her eyes meet casandra’s and go wide. through the gag she whimpers, “help me, help me,” over and over, with a desperation and fear that cuts casandra’s heart. 

a white hot flash of rage boils through her chest and runs out through her fingertips. “what on earth have you done?” 

she runs to carolina’s side, unties her hands, and carefully removes the gag. “i’m so sorry, carolina, i’m here. i’m so sorry.” there are tears gathering in casandra’s eyes too but she ignores them, brushing carolina’s hair from her face and pulling her into her arms. “are you alright?” 

carolina doesn’t answer, but clings onto casandra. 

“i’m sorry,” casandra whispers into her hair, and kisses the top of her head. “i’m sorry.” 

“what are you doing?” erich starts to walk toward them. 

casandra holds up a hand. “what are _you_ doing?” 

“she killed your sister!” 

“this isn’t what we agreed to!” 

casandra pulls back from the embrace. she tilts carolina’s chin up and looks into her eyes. 

carolina looks back. her gaze is still full of fear, but there’s steel underneath it. steady. and something else too. something casandra thinks is just for her. but no guilt. 

“she... didn’t.” 

carolina nods. something in her relaxes, but hoarsely, she whispers, “i didn’t kill her, casandra. i promise.” 

“and you believe her? she’s the only one who could have done it.” 

“that’s all i need.” 

“i need—” carolina tries to stand and erich moves toward her again. 

“no,” casandra says to him. “carolina—” an affectionate nickname rests on casandra’s tongue, but she swallows it. “you’re not a prisoner. you can go, find your family.” 

carolina moves toward the door, unsteady on her feet. casandra offers her help, but the venom in the look carolina returns stops her. she raises her hands and steps back. “okay.” 

when the door closes behind her, erich raises his voice. “what are you THINKING? we had her, we were ready to take her off the ship. you let your feelings get to you, casandra. she lied to you before—” 

“and i lied to her. we’re even.” casandra sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose. when she finally speaks, her voice is calm. “carolina is innocent. and you went behind my back. we failed.” 

she waves her hands. “please… just get out.” 

* * *

carolina holds her hand against the wall as she walks. eva. where is eva. she needs to find eva. the map of the ship feels fuzzy in her head. the terror of being grabbed from behind and shoved in a trunk hasn’t quite left her, and her wrists sting. eva. 

she makes it into the dining hall and sees her, talking with nicolás. she’s still a long way away, and there are no walls to support her. so she holds dining chairs, tables, making her way over before eva catches sight of her. 

her sister runs across the dining hall and crashes into her, holding her up and then easing her into a chair. “carol, what happened? i’ve been looking for you everywhere!” she steps back and peers at her. “you look horrible.” 

carolina chuckles. “thanks.” she sighs. “erich and simón kidnapped me. they… moved me in a trunk, from my cabin to casandra’s, and tried to keep me there.” 

eva’s expression morphs into fury instantly. “i can’t believe that _woman_ —” 

she shakes her head. “it wasn’t casandra. she didn’t know. she... let me go.” carolina’s heart is hurting. she’s exhausted. she was at her breaking point moments before this and now she just wants to sleep. but every time she lets her mind start to drift, she thinks about casandra’s fingers on her cheek, or her lips on her lips, and she feels a jolt run through her. ugh. why can’t anything on this god forsaken boat be simple for once?

eva chews on her lip. “we have to tell someone. we can’t let them leave the boat. and fernando needs to know, and—”

nicolás rests his hand on eva’s shoulder. “i’ll take care of that. you take care of your sister.” 

eva nods, but she’s chewing her lip again. she pulls up a chair next to carolina and holds her hand. “you’re still defending her. even after all of this.” 

carolina takes a slow breath. everything in her has been screaming to tell eva for days, and with everything that’s happened, she’s just too tired to hold it back. “eva... we kissed.” 

“what?!” eva reels backward. “when?” 

“well, she kissed me first. a few days ago. and then i kissed her and we kissed again, and—” 

“and?”

“and that’s it.” carolina sighs. eva’s expression is hard to read. “i know.” 

“i...” eva shrugs. “i don’t know what to say. this is a lot to take in.”

“i know.” 

“how can you trust her?” 

“i dont know.” carolina drops her head to her hands. “but she saved me. she saved me.” carolina can feel herself starting to shake again. 

“okay.” eva squeezes her hand. “it’s okay. you’re okay.” 

carolina manages a half smile. she sits up straighter, slowing her breathing. this whole voyage, she’s been falling to pieces. she’d been poisoned, kidnapped, her wedding was a disaster, her father is a dead nazi, and all she can do is cry about it all? that’s not who she wants to be. that’s not who she is. 

“eva,” carolina asks, “are you okay? with nicolás and everything else?” 

eva makes a face. “you were just kidnapped, and you’re worried about me?”

“hey, it’s my job.”

her sister smiles. “honestly, i don’t know, carol. i think i love him. but i can’t have him.” she shrugs. “it’s not an ideal situation—no less ideal than yours, i imagine.” 

carolina laughs, but the sound is hollow. “yes. but i am sorry, for you and for him, that it didn’t work out.” 

“thank you.” 

she’s pretty sure that even though she’s feeling better, eva won’t let her out of her sight for the next few minutes. that could be a problem. carolina knows it’s crazy, but now that she’s safe, she can’t shake the feeling that she abandoned casandra. she has to go back. “look. almost everyone is off the boat. maybe someone should look at the sign out signatures and see if they match the fake letter.” 

eva’s eyes gleam. she’s never been able to resist a project. “i can do that. but i don’t want to leave you. you’re worrying me, carol.” 

“i’ll be fine. go!” 

eva hesitates for a moment, but kisses carolina on the head and dashes off toward the lobby. 

carolina takes another long, slow breath and stands. okay. she can do this. she can walk. with each step she feels more confident, and it isn’t long before she’s running toward casandra’s cabin. 

* * *

in her cabin, casandra rests her head in her hands. she’s alone now, and feeling the weight of it. her suitcase sits by the door. she sits on her bed. how could carolina forgive her for this? how can she forgive herself for this?

and rosa’s killer still isn’t caught. maybe carolina was right. maybe she should let it go. it’s caused too much trouble.

she’d been so sure it was fernando. and then less sure it was carolina, but... only because erich wanted her to believe that. she knows he loved rosa too, knows that’s why he’s here now, but... why did he think it was carolina? why did he push casandra like that? 

she’s not going to get the answers she wants sitting in bed.

just as she has that thought, there’s a knock at the door. 

“go away, erich!” 

“no, it’s me, it’s carolina—he’s not with you? oh, thank god.” 

casandra opens the door to see nothing but a blur as carolina falls into her arms.

“you’re alright,” she whispers into her shoulders. 

“of course i am—” casandra pulls back, and guides carolina inside. “it’s you i’ve been worried about.” 

“i’m sorry. i’m okay, but i was worried erich was going to hurt you. i had to come back.” 

“erich?? no, no. he’s—i’ve known him almost my whole life. he wouldn’t hurt me.” she steps backward and sits on her bed. 

“okay.” carolina paces. “i told my sister to look through the sign out signatures. to see if they match the letter. i don’t know if it’s a good idea, i just... wasn’t sure she’d let me come back to you.” 

casandra watches carolina for a moment, noticing an increasingly concerned expression grow on her face. “hey.” 

“hey.” she stops pacing. “sorry.” 

“it’s okay! you can pace. it’s just... is it a good idea for you to be here?” 

carolina’s eyebrow crease deepens. “i don’t know. now that i know you’re safe i should go, but,” she turns toward her, hands unfolding. “i keep coming back to you.” 

“come here.” casandra beckons carolina with a finger. something deep in her chest aches. she doesn’t deserve this. 

carolina walks over to casandra and takes her head her in her hands. “you saved me. i can’t forget that.” 

“i couldn’t bear to see you like that.” casandra whispers, unable to stop herself from melting at the contact. “even if you had killed her. but—erich... he—” she pulls away. “that was my fault. i should have, i don’t know, walked you to your cabin, or kept him closer, or...” 

carolina leans down and kisses casandra softly on the nose. “that’s not your fault. when he put me in that trunk—” she cuts herself off for a moment and shakes her head. “i wasn’t sure if you told him to do that. but i couldn’t stop thinking you’d save me.” 

“not eva? not fernando?” 

“well,” carolina laughs and sits down on the bed next to her. “anyone would have been nice. but i kept hoping for you.” 

“oh.” casandra holds out a hand and carolina takes it with both of hers. “look, carolina... i think i’ve been pretty clear about my feelings for you.”

carolina nods. 

“and i know you didn’t kill rosa and i know you think i should give up, but i still need to find her killer. that has to be my _priority_.” she takes a deep breath. “and if that changes how you feel about me, then...” 

“no.” carolina shakes her head. “i get it. look, i’m sorry i told you to give up.” she squeezes her hand. “i want to help you catch her killer. i want to get off this boat. and i want to kiss you again.” 

“in that order?” casandra asks. she can feel herself blushing. 

“in that order.” 

* * *

eva stands by the sign out sheet and tucks her hair behind her ear. there are only a few people left, so she peers over at them as they sign their names. so far, nothing. she’s distracted, though, trying to process everything her sister told her, on top of avoiding thinking about chantal.

the band is one of the last groups to sign out, and while clara’s signature is full of swirls, they aren’t quite the same as those on the letter. not that she’d ever suspect the singer of something like that, anyway. clara smiles at eva as she sets down her pen. 

she turns to pierre, kisses him softly and eva looks away, squashing the envy in her chest. 

her thoughts drift again. carolina... and casandra. no wonder they’d been spending so much time together. and no wonder carolina had taken everything so personally. eva doesn’t know if she could ever trust casandra, but she knows she’d pick her over fernando easily. her poor sister.

it’s not long before she’s thinking about not thinking about chantal again, though, so doesn’t notice when erich places a hand on her back. he says, “excuse me, can you pass me that sheet?” 

she nearly jumps out of her skin. “oh,” she tells him, trying to recover, “certainly.” 

he signs his name and leans back on the counter. “have you seen casandra? i was hoping to check out with her.” 

“no, sorry.” eva’s eyes flick to the page and she sees a suspiciously familiar flourish under his name. she bites her lip. “so, how did you get involved in casandra’s plot anyway?” 

“i’ve known rosa and carmen since they were babies. i worked for their father. and, of course, i want revenge for rosa as badly as carmen does.” 

revenge was an interesting choice of words. eva couldn’t remember casandra describing her goals that way. with no forethought whatsoever, eva taps the signature page. “did you write the letter?” 

erich looks up and meets her eyes. there’s a beat. he looks like he’s about to say something. but then, he takes off running.

* * *

“okay.” carolina’s heart keeps reminding her of how close she’s sitting to casandra, but she tells it to be quiet. “let’s start from the beginning.”

“okay.”

“your sister had a series of meetings with fernando two years ago. they were supposed to be negotiating the sale of the boat, but—”

“but, they had an affair.” 

carolina nods. “she went missing after one such meeting and they had an investigation. the police found nothing. but you suspected fernando, because of the affair.” 

“correct.”

carolina rubs the back of casandra’s palm with her thumb. “did you have any other suspects at the time?” 

casandra shakes her head. “to be honest, i was certain it was him. everything we did… all of this was just to get him to confess.”

“okay. so when you originally said the murderer was on this ship—” 

“i only said that because i thought it was your husband.”

“so if it wasn’t him…”

“it could be anyone.”

“right. like i said earlier.” carolina’s stomach churns. the idea that her husband was capable of such an act had haunted her for days. she’d still gone to bed with him, though, night after night, and stared at the ceiling as he fell asleep. did this make her complicit? does she want to know? “who else was in vigo at the time? did rosa bring anyone? i mean. besides agustín.” 

casandra is silent for a moment. she lets go of carolina’s hand. “erich went with her.” 

“did he know about the affair?”

“yes.” casandra looks up at carolina and the hurt is apparent on her face. “he’s the one who told me about it.” 

“then let’s go find him.”

casandra nods. they both get up and look at each other for a moment. 

carolina, not quite ready to leave, wraps her arms around her. “casandra...” carolina bites her lip. she pulls back and holds both of casandra’s hands. she wants to say, _i don’t know how we can make this work._ she wants to say, _i want to make this work._ but instead, she asks, “do you want me to call you carmen?” 

casandra laughs. it’s the lightest looking carolina has seen her. “no,” she says finally. “i haven’t been that person in a long time.” she tucks a hair behind carolina’s ear. “and i like the way casandra sounds on your lips.” 

carolina blushes. “let’s go.” 

there’s a knock at the door. the two women exchange a look, and step apart. 

“who is it?” casandra asks. 

“it’s fernando. open up.” 

carolina looks at casandra. she doesn’t want to see him, but she knows she has to. she shrugs. 

“it’s open.”

the door bangs open and fernando storms in. “we need to talk about what you did to my wife—” he stops when he sees carolina. “why are you _here_?”

she wants to say, _i don’t have to explain myself to you,_ but instead, she says, “she didn’t hurt me, fernando.” 

he bangs his hand against the wall. “nicolás informed me that you’d been kidnapped, you’re telling me the ship’s first officer is a liar?” 

carolina moves closer to casandra, placing herself between them. it’s hard to believe this is the man she married. it’s hard to believe he’s the same person who who swept her off her feet, held her after her nightmares, promised to always tell the truth. but he is. this person, this man filled with indignant and unjustified rage is her _husband_. “it was erich. not her. and not her idea.” 

“she can speak for herself.” 

carolina’s heart is racing. she wants to reach back and grab casandra’s hand, but she doesn’t want to upset fernando any further. 

“i would never harm your wife.” casandra’s voice is soft, but her tone is clear. 

“not even as revenge? not to hurt me for hurting your sister? you certainly seemed intent on that earlier.” 

casandra looks at carolina, who tries to pour as much strength and compassion into the look she returns as she possibly can. 

“no.”

he runs a hand through his hair and sits down in a huff. “erich.”

“yes.”

fernando looks between the two of them for a moment. “erich.” he shakes his head, gets up, and storms out, speeding down the hallway. “ERICH!” 

carolina watches him go and turns to casandra with a question in her eyes. 

casandra shrugs and grabs carolina’s hand. “we’re going the same direction.”

* * *

erich is fast, but eva is faster. she corners him in a hallway near the bridge, not able to menace him with anything other than an incredibly disappointed stare. 

it doesn’t really work. he stands up straighter. “look. i don’t have to answer to you. your sister—” 

“you stuffed my sister in a trunk. nothing you say after that is excusable.” 

she tries to remember where nicolás said he was going. fernando’s cabin? the bridge? there’s a 50/50 chance he’s nearby, and that’s a chance she’s willing to take. she bangs on the door to the bridge. “NICOLÁS!” 

the door crashes open and nicolás flies out. erich starts to run again, but nicolás catches him by the back of the jacket. 

he looks over at eva, an expression of amusement and confusion on his face. “you’re lucky i was here.” 

she shrugs. “call it... intuition.”

nicolás laughs, still holding erich’s jacket with one hand. “what do you want to do with him?”

“other than jail? i’m sure carolina will want to talk to him.”

“i haven’t done anything wrong—” erich protests. 

“shut up.”

* * *

fernando tears through the halls, and casandra and carolina follow behind. he’s going so fast he nearly smacks directly into another group speeding in the opposite direction. 

casandra watches him take a step back and survey the others, and she does the same. it’s eva, nicolás, and erich, the last of whom is being held by the back of his jacket like some pathetic kitten. she doesn’t know how to feel when she sees him. 

fernando spins all the way around to casandra and says, “so it’s _erich_ that kidnapped my wife? looks like he’s the same scumbag he was two years ago. you want know who killed your sister? you’re looking at him.” 

erich shakes his head. “this man is the real culprit here.”

“i am not! i loved rosa!”

casandra doesn’t raise her voice when she speaks but she knows it’ll silence the group all the same. “the truth. right now.” she looks at erich, and softens ever so slightly. “please.”

erich takes a long, slow, breath, and sighs. “rosa was my daughter.” 

“what.” casandra moves closer to carolina instinctively, seeking some kind of comfort while the words ring in her eyes. 

“your mother was pregnant when she met your father... but he loved her. he promised her he would raise her as his own.” 

“he just… let you stay?” 

erich nods. “i wanted to be a part of her life. your father was kind. and when you were born, the two of you were, well. a handful. so i stepped in.” 

“i don’t understand. if she was your daughter, why did you kill her?” carolina asks, voicing the question casandra knows she couldn’t have asked if she tried. 

he crumples. “it was an accident.” 

“he found out about the affair.” fernando whispers. “he... told us both to come to the boat, i thought i was getting a message from rosa, she thought she was getting one from me. but when we got there, he surprised us.” 

“i was worried about a dozen things. i didn’t like fernando;” he looks over to him, “i still don’t. i didn’t want rosa to get her heart broken. but i was worried about the ship, too. if he was using her affections to get a better deal, then i had to wake her up. i just wanted to talk.”

“it was idiotic to bring a pistol.”

“i wanted you both to know i was serious.” 

“we were serious too!” fernando snaps. 

“yes, well. i know that now, don’t i?!” 

casandra’s grip tightens on carolina’s hand. she wants to ask them to stop again, but like everyone else present, she can only look back and forth between them like a ping-pong match. 

“how did she _die_?” eva asks, thankfully interrupting fernando’s next retort. 

“we got into a fight—” erich gestures to fernando. “i think i pulled the gun as a threat, i don’t know, but rosa...” 

“rosa jumped in. she was so stubborn. she wasn’t going to let us fight over her.” 

“but the bullet was meant for _you_!” 

“i’m going to throw up,” casandra whispers to carolina. 

carolina pulls her even closer. “me too,” she whispers, but her hand on casandra’s back is steadying and stable, even if her voice trembles. “do you need to leave?”

“no, i just… i can’t believe he was there the whole time. he was right there the whole time and i just let him…” she swallows. “i’m sorry.”

“it’s okay. i’m here.”

casandra looks at her and the kindness in carolina’s expression melts casandra to her core. she can feel tears bubbling in her eyes so she looks away, trying to tune back into the conversation. 

“... i thought you’d get the hint!” fernando yells. 

“attacking casandra wasn’t fair play!” 

“but _she’s_ the one who accused me.” 

“and yet… i was closer to the truth than i thought.” casandra sighs. “listen. both of you.” she tilts her hands at them. “shut up.” 

they do. 

she’s done it. she found rosa’s killer. she found the truth. it doesn’t feel real, or possible, or… she shakes her head to herself, feeling dizzy and oddly cold. “nicolás… this is enough to arrest them, right?” 

he raises his eyebrows and nods. “absolutely.” 

“then may my sister’s soul rest in peace.” casandra looks over to carolina and says, “carolina—i—” and passes out. 

* * *

carolina catches casandra in her arms. she cradles her, sinking her to the ground, and places casandra’s head in her lap. the hall lights flicker, but carolina ignores them, moving casandra’s hair out of her face, stroking her cheek. “i’m here,” she whispers. “i’ve got you.” 

erich struggles against nicolás grip. “let me go! i can help her.”

carolina looks at eva for a moment. _take care of him,_ she says with her eyes and a tilt of her head. eva nods, one short nod, and carolina turns back to casandra. “casandra. can you hear me?”

her eyes flutter. 

“casandra... please.”

when her eyes open, her pupils are fully dilated, her irises almost black. she sits up, unseeing, moving as though her limbs are not her own. carolina doesn’t know whether to touch her, can only watch as she turns to her and whispers “oh, it’s _you_.”

she sounds like... she sounds like she did at the séance. 

carolina can’t trust that this is real. she can’t. 

casandra stands up and this time carolina does step in, holding her weight as she wobbles closer to erich. 

he’s calmer now, and standing on his own. he whispers, “rosa?”

she straightens her spine, moving toward him with a resolve carolina has never seen in casandra. it’s unnerving. 

carolina steps back, watching as _rosa_ jabs a finger to erich’s chest. 

“you should have... confessed.” she turns to fernando. “and you, you, my nandi…” 

he says nothing. 

she simply shakes her head. 

_nandi._ carolina shudders. how dare this woman have a pet name for her husband and how _dare_ she say it with such affection? 

“rosa... lo siento, rosita...” erich reaches out to touch rosa’s cheek. 

she shakes it off. to erich, or maybe to fernando, she says, “i cannot forgive—” but cuts herself off. the words sound bitter in her mouth. 

almost as bitter as the taste on carolina’s own tongue. 

“rosa.” 

she spins around and makes eye contact with carolina. “so nice to finally meet you.” 

“and you.” everything in carolina is screaming to look away. but she swallows hard and looks back. “for two years i’ve thought about all of the things i would say to you if we ever met. if i would be angry, or forgive you, or... i don’t know. but i only have one thing to ask you now.” 

rosa folds casandra’s hands outward in a go-ahead gesture. 

“after _everything_ casandra has done for you, has done in _your_ name, how can you use her like this?” 

“what she’s…” rosa looks around. “what she’s done?” 

“she loves you. i know that. but she’s not your puppet. please, rosa, if you care about casandra at _all—_ ” 

she drops like a dead weight. carolina dives to catch her again and lowers her into her lap. 

“this is insane,” fernando whispers. “insane.” 

carolina looks at him. casandra is still passed out in her arms and she pulls her closer. “fernando. you helped him hide the body?”

“he _made_ me.”

“and you stayed silent. for two years.”

“i—” he sighs. “i don’t know what to say.”

as she’s looking at him, the churning in her gut settles. the fear, the doubt, everything that’s been pressing on her since she set foot on this boat is just… gone. when she looks at fernando now, she just feels a small and distant sorrow. “you promised me, no more secrets.” 

fernando shrugs. he can’t meet her eyes.

she pulls off her glove and then her wedding ring. “i’m sorry.” 

he takes it from her and pockets it. “i don’t know what to say.” 

“so you said.” 

he looks at casandra for a moment, and then back at her, and she wonders if he knows. if he can see written on her face how much this woman means to her. but if he does, he doesn’t say a word. he simply turns to leave with nicolás and erich.

eva looks back at carolina, the question _will you be ok?_ clear on her face. carolina nods, and eva leaves her with a soft smile. 

they’re alone in the hallway now, and carolina runs her fingers through casandra’s hair. “please, come back to me, mi amor.” her voice is soft, and she knows no one heard, but she blushes anyway. 

casandra stirs. for a moment, carolina worries it will be rosa again. but when casandra's eyes open, they’re hers. 

“i love your eyes,” carolina whispers. 

“w-what?” casandra says, with a sleepy laugh. 

carolina shakes her head. “your—your _eyes._ i have… sometimes i have a hard time looking people in the eye. but not you.” 

“it’s because i’m so pretty, isn’t it?” she bats her eyelashes.

“yeah. exactly.” carolina rolls her eyes, but she knows casandra understands. she plays with casandra’s hair again, unsure how to bring up the previous moment’s events. she clears her throat. “um. so, do you… remember… do you know—” 

“that was a possession, wasn’t it?” casandra sits up and turns to face carolina, her legs pressed up against hers. 

carolina shrugs. “it certainly seemed that way. you know, i was nervous to trust it, because—well.” 

“i am _so_ sorry.” 

“i know.” she looks down, watches her fingers dig themselves into her other arm. “but this _seemed_ real.” she’d seen the way she moved, and she’d felt how _wrong_ it was. how it wasn’t the woman she lo— how it wasn’t casandra. “what… what did it feel like?” 

casandra takes a moment to respond. she pulls carolina’s fingers away from her arm and into her hands, holding them gently. “it was like… filtered. like through a stained glass window. i couldn’t see well, only a blur of faces, but i could hear, a little, and… i couldn’t move. well, i could, but it wasn’t me.” 

“did it hurt?” 

she shrugs. “it doesn’t matter.”

“it _does_. _”_

“a little.” 

carolina pulls her closer and holds her for a moment.

“you saved me, carolina. you stood up for me.” 

“yeah, well, it’s because—” she catches herself. “i mean, you saved me too.” 

“guess that makes us even. we can go on our merry ways,” casandra says, standing up. 

carolina stands up quickly and grabs her arm. “hey?” 

“i’m joking, carolina, my goodness,” casandra laughs. “the look in your eyes—look,” she turns toward her, cupping her face in her hands. her fingertips shake against carolina’s cheek. 

oh. she’s nervous. carolina hadn’t realized casandra could _get_ nervous. 

“carolina, i don’t think… i could bear it if we parted ways now.” 

carolina is certain her expression has cycled through every known human emotion in the last two seconds. “are you _trying_ to kill me?” 

casandra chuckles. she presses her forehead against carolina’s. 

“i’m scared to say it.” carolina whispers against her lips. 

“to say what?” casandra whispers back, and it’s so hard not to just kiss her instead of speaking. 

“how i feel about you.” 

casandra pulls back and meets her eyes. 

carolina shivers, but looks back, and finds strength in what she sees. “it’s not going to be easy. to—to try to make a life together.” 

casandra blushes, _hard_. she looks down and away. 

“i’m not a fool, you know, i don’t want to jump into this blind, and obviously we’ll both need to prove to each other, that, you know, that we can be trustworthy, but we… but—” carolina takes a deep breath. 

“but?” 

she lifts casandra’s chin with a finger and meets her eyes again. “i love you.” 

casandra kisses her. her lips crash into carolina’s and carolina kisses her back, pulling her closer and holding her tight. 

when casandra pulls away, carolina realizes her eyes are wet. “are you… crying?” 

casandra laughs, but she’s definitely still crying. “i love you too,” she says, and laughs again. “kind of a crazy day, huh?”

“absolutely.” carolina hugs her and rubs her back. when she finally lets go, she says, “i think it’s about time to get off this boat.” 

“and then you’ll kiss me again?”

“and then i’ll kiss you again.” 

**Author's Note:**

> biggest thank you ever to alex/summerwoodsmoke for all of the help and edits, i love you and owe you my life. thank you also to mo and quinn for letting me talk about these girls literally all the time, and also to blue for watching season 2 with me AGAIN on my birthday. 
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at patron-saints!


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